Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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