i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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