I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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