Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
one might say we're banned from that church
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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