I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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