fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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