Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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