i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize