an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize