The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize