You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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