i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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