Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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