So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize