I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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