Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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