Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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