remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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