um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
nutella sex= disaster
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
