Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize