You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize