I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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