So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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