Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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