i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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