Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize