As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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