Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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