remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
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What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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