Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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