She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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