Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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