I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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