I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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