you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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