I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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