Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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