i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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