We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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