Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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