Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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