I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize