my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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