i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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