I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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