I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She needs sedatives and a leash
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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