Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize