i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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