every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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