i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
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we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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