I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize